by Laura Cowan “Long lay the girl, in sin and error, pining…”
I’ve personalized this phrase from my favorite Christmas song, “Oh Holy Night”, because I’m quite familiar with sin and error. They cling to me like socks fresh from the dryer. Sin- the bad things I do, and the good things I don’t do. Error- the stuff I make up in my head, and decide is true, simply because I’m the one thinking it, and, well- because it’s easier than facing THE Truth- (see sin and error above). “In sin and error, pining…” Pining, according to the dictionary, is “the slow ebbing away of vitality, both physically and mentally, from grief, regret, or longing”. My own experience of pining can be described as a sickening sense of inward ugliness. Like my soul eternally suffering P.M.S. “…’Til He appeared.” The song is speaking of the birth of Jesus, but He appeared to me, too, or His Holy Spirit did. He was always there, but He wasn’t apparent until I acknowledged my utter lack of ability to do things right; or even sort-of do things like a normal person (which, by the way, is an urban legend. There is no “normal”. See “sin and error” above). It’s like I’d spent all my years hunched over a spilled box of assorted nuts, bolts, and mechanical parts, trying to piece together life, and discovering my screws weren’t loose, they were missing altogether. I needed help, I needed HIM. The other definition of “pining” is a yearning or longing. Like really, really wanting HIM-not as merely an assistant for putting together an “Easy To Assemble! No Tools Required! ” Life, but ALL HE IS. My life in exchange for His. I still sin and I still err. But I no longer pine. He’s the package deal and when I took hold of Him, He took hold of me, and my “soul felt His worth.” **************** Matt. 11:28-30 “Come to me, you who are weary and over-burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls”. 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteous-ness. Rom. 10:9 If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Mark 9:24 Jesus said to him, “All things are possible to him who believes.” Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!”
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by Laura Cowan
When I was six years old, I nearly drowned in the Feather River at a place called Bidwell Bar. The sandy bottom was firm under my feet, and then… it wasn’t. I went under. My dad rescued me by pulling me up and out by my hair. Shortly after, he decided to teach me the dead man’s float. It was a long process- especially for a man like Dad, who had not an ounce of patience- or so I thought, but eventually, I learned to stop fighting the water. I also learned that just before my head went under, his arms were there to hold me up. And one day, I learned how to more than survive: I learned to swim; to breathe, to cut a path through water; to enjoy the rhythm, and the freedom that feels like flying. Years ago, John and I witnessed a murder. The gunman was connected to a mafia group, and a hitman was assigned to kill John. With this, my terra firma shifted. My feet could not touch bottom, and I sank into mirky depths of depression. My questions were, “Where were You, God? Where are you now?” He answered by teaching me the deadman’s float- He taught me to stop fighting the uncontrollable currents of life, to completely yield and relax into what I could not see- His hands beneath me, catching me, lifting me up for air. I not only survived, I learned to swim. I learned He WAS there, He IS there, and underneath are His Everlasting Arms. I swim in the paths of His commands. It feels like flying. Life threatens to drown us. But if we will stop flailing our arms long enough to hear His voice and trust Him, relax into Him, we’ll not only survive, we will enjoy a freedom from fear that feels like flying. “When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown…for I am the Lord Your God…Your Savior.” Isaiah 43:2a, 3a Poem by Brian Law
There! The instant of a spoken Word and a pure, white ray of Light Stabs down through darkness. To a world twisted and ruined. Chaotic. Formless. Forsaken and without hope. And what Light! A Speech of Love and Power. Creating order out of chaos, hope out of hopelessness. With a shout from the sons of God. And it was good. It was so very good, When the morning stars sang together! "And the Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” John 1:5 HOW DO WE SURRENDER COMPLETELY TO GOD? “ ‘And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment.” Mark 12:30 Usually, when we talk about complete surrender, the focus is on a single, decisive moment in time when we finally give up everything to the Lord. I used to imagine that moment with a soundtrack of “I Surrender All” playing in the background while every significant person in my life magically appears and congratulates me on joining the ranks of those who’ve ‘finally arrived’. That, however, is not reality. The only ones who actually give up everything in one moment of full surrender are those who die a martyr’s death – literally. For the rest of us, surrender comes down to a daily resolve. Even the Apostle Paul declared “I die daily” (1 Cor. 15:31). Wait a minute. Didn’t Paul eventually reach a point where his surrender to Jesus was complete and final? Possibly, when he wrote “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith” (2 Tim. 4:7). But that was just days before his martyrdom. Up to that point his perspective was “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me” (Phil. 3:12). Bottom-line: There’s no escaping the daily challenge of surrendering to the Lord. And so, like Paul, I too need to die daily. However, I’ve found that it doesn’t have to be as complicated as we tend to make it. Full and complete surrender really comes down to one simple thing: saying “Yes” to Jesus the next time He asks something of me. That’s what surrender is all about. I’d like it to be a grand commitment I only need to make once – and then it’s over. But true surrender doesn’t work that way. Which, when you think about it, makes sense. Mustering up the strength to leap over tall buildings in a single spiritual bound is overwhelming and totally intimidating. But trusting the Lord for enough strength to simply say “Yes” to the next thing, that’s within reach. And then, by His grace, I can find the strength to trust Him to work in me a “Yes” heart for the thing after that … and the thing after that … and the thing after … Lord, I thank You that I don’t have to pretend to be something I’m not. You already know that. Help me to say “Yes” to the next thing you ask of me. Help me to say, “Yes” to You. And thank You for saying “Yes” to me. Amen |
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February 2018
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